Times are tough between a pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement, there is a lot of heavy topics for little ones. The kids had an abrupt ending into their school years and their normal lives seem to be gone. Now they are getting used to seeing people with masks on and catching glimpse of the news and protests that lead to a lot of questions. This blog post is not about talking to your kids about a virus or racism. I am not an expert able to tell you how to talk to your children, but please educate yourself on how to do that and make sure you aren't avoiding the conversation about covid19 or racism. This post is about sharing a few things your child needs to hear in this world that seems scary and big to them.
When we become parents we take on the role of a lifetime. We commit to raising our children and teaching them values and life lessons. Our children look to us as their guide, to lead and show them by our actions. We comfort them with our hugs and teach them with our words. Our words are so important our words are THEIR inner voice. So here are a few things we need to keep telling our children over and over again.
1. I LOVE YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU-
If there is one thing to tell your children over and over again it is how much you love them. While they know you love them they need to see that your love is unconditional. No matter what happens in life or what they do, let them know you love them and always will. For us teaching them that God loves them is also important. I know not everyone is Christian but we are and this was a choice we made to tell our children that they are God's creation and he loves them unconditional as well.
2. YOU ARE SAFE-
Remind them they are safe, they are safe at home, in the car, after a scary dream. Leo gets scared often and when he does we say, "Daddy and Mommy would never let anything bad happen to you. You are safe with us." I've also learned when we are warning him of dangers instead of saying "don't fall into the pool". I say, "Leo, be careful by the pool, but if you did fall into the pool with your clothes you are a great swimmer so remember to get to the side and yell for Mommy and Daddy to come to help you." I found with Leo he needs to be empowered and not warned to feel safe.
3. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU -
Keep telling your kids that you are proud of them for their achievements is great but also remember to remark about how they treat people or when they do something kind. Make them feel proud of the goals they accomplish but it also helps instill the character traits. I always try and tell Leo that I am proud of him when he shares with his sister, helps me in the kitchen. Reinforcing these good behaviors hopefully will help him continue them all through life.
1. I LOVE YOU AND GOD LOVES YOU-
If there is one thing to tell your children over and over again it is how much you love them. While they know you love them they need to see that your love is unconditional. No matter what happens in life or what they do, let them know you love them and always will. For us teaching them that God loves them is also important. I know not everyone is Christian but we are and this was a choice we made to tell our children that they are God's creation and he loves them unconditional as well.
2. YOU ARE SAFE-
Remind them they are safe, they are safe at home, in the car, after a scary dream. Leo gets scared often and when he does we say, "Daddy and Mommy would never let anything bad happen to you. You are safe with us." I've also learned when we are warning him of dangers instead of saying "don't fall into the pool". I say, "Leo, be careful by the pool, but if you did fall into the pool with your clothes you are a great swimmer so remember to get to the side and yell for Mommy and Daddy to come to help you." I found with Leo he needs to be empowered and not warned to feel safe.
3. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU -
Keep telling your kids that you are proud of them for their achievements is great but also remember to remark about how they treat people or when they do something kind. Make them feel proud of the goals they accomplish but it also helps instill the character traits. I always try and tell Leo that I am proud of him when he shares with his sister, helps me in the kitchen. Reinforcing these good behaviors hopefully will help him continue them all through life.
4. THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU-
No matter who you are there is no one like you. So much of their lives they are going to be compared and scored. Praise them for their individualism.
5. IT IS OK TO MAKE MISTAKES-
Do you remember the song by Big Bird about everyone making mistakes? I remember my mom singing that as a kid. Instead of punishing them for their mistakes use it as a teaching moment. They spilled their drink, you have them grab a rag and help you clean it up. They leave the playdoh out overnight and you talk teach that mistakes sometimes have consequences. Today when I accidentally bought 13 containers of blueberries I told Leo that "mommy made a mistake and bought way too many blueberries. So now let's go look at some recipes to make a blueberry cake." Mistakes happen and that is OK!
No matter who you are there is no one like you. So much of their lives they are going to be compared and scored. Praise them for their individualism.
5. IT IS OK TO MAKE MISTAKES-
Do you remember the song by Big Bird about everyone making mistakes? I remember my mom singing that as a kid. Instead of punishing them for their mistakes use it as a teaching moment. They spilled their drink, you have them grab a rag and help you clean it up. They leave the playdoh out overnight and you talk teach that mistakes sometimes have consequences. Today when I accidentally bought 13 containers of blueberries I told Leo that "mommy made a mistake and bought way too many blueberries. So now let's go look at some recipes to make a blueberry cake." Mistakes happen and that is OK!
*this is a pre coronavirus pic for those of you who wonder.
6. FORGIVE AND SAY I'M SORRY
We need to tell our kids we are sorry and apologize to them when we are wrong. It is good for our kids to see we aren't perfect. Being able to say I'm sorry to your kids is a good example. We also need to teach them the power of forgiveness.
7. NEVER GIVE UP
Perseverance.... what an important characteristic to teach our children. When learning to ride a bike is too hard. It is our job to encourage them to keep trying and not give up. Learning to go through things that are "too hard" is a lifelong goal.
We need to tell our kids we are sorry and apologize to them when we are wrong. It is good for our kids to see we aren't perfect. Being able to say I'm sorry to your kids is a good example. We also need to teach them the power of forgiveness.
7. NEVER GIVE UP
Perseverance.... what an important characteristic to teach our children. When learning to ride a bike is too hard. It is our job to encourage them to keep trying and not give up. Learning to go through things that are "too hard" is a lifelong goal.
8. NO, BUT.....
As parents, we need to set boundaries and tell them NO. Sorry Leo, NO you may not have a sucker for breakfast. Explain to them why a sucker won't fill them up and you can't have sugar in the morning. I also think it is very important for them to realize "THEY DON'T RUN THE SHOW". So saying no as a parent is a healthy boundary.
As parents, we need to set boundaries and tell them NO. Sorry Leo, NO you may not have a sucker for breakfast. Explain to them why a sucker won't fill them up and you can't have sugar in the morning. I also think it is very important for them to realize "THEY DON'T RUN THE SHOW". So saying no as a parent is a healthy boundary.
9. TREAT YOUR BODY WELL-
We have one body our entire lives so let's treat it well. So I chose to teach my kids to eat healthy, exercise, put on sunscreen, all those fun healthy habits. But what they learn the most from is watching me practice what I preach. As they grow up (especially with girls) it is so important to continue to teach them how to love their body and respect it.
10. I TRUST YOU-
Instilling trust in your children at an early age is key. Giving your older kid a task like saying, "can you watch your sister for a few minutes while I clean the kitchen?". It gives the older child a responsibility when you are still close enough to supervise. It starts to build their confidence and show you that you trust them. Same goes with their decisions/choices, tell them you trust their choices (all while you subtly help to steer them).
We have one body our entire lives so let's treat it well. So I chose to teach my kids to eat healthy, exercise, put on sunscreen, all those fun healthy habits. But what they learn the most from is watching me practice what I preach. As they grow up (especially with girls) it is so important to continue to teach them how to love their body and respect it.
10. I TRUST YOU-
Instilling trust in your children at an early age is key. Giving your older kid a task like saying, "can you watch your sister for a few minutes while I clean the kitchen?". It gives the older child a responsibility when you are still close enough to supervise. It starts to build their confidence and show you that you trust them. Same goes with their decisions/choices, tell them you trust their choices (all while you subtly help to steer them).
And just a reminder here are a few things you shouldn't say to your child... and if you do this is a good time to tell them your sorry.
Let's all try our hardest to shower our little ones with love and confidence.
Cheers,
Jess
- “I do everything for you” ...
- “You did well but you could do better” ...
- “Don't eat that or else you're going to get fat” ...
- “It's not that big of a deal" or "Stop being such a baby” ...
- “Do I have to tell you this 100 times?” ...
- “Big girls/boys don't do that”
- ‘You are a bad boy/girl’
- ‘Don’t talk to me’
Let's all try our hardest to shower our little ones with love and confidence.
Cheers,
Jess